Grandma

Today, my grandmother gave me $500. To pay my rent, and cell phone bill. After i recieved that five hundred dollars, i than felt obligated within myself, to stay after the time i had desired, and entertain her. This was my first mistake. Do not make the favors people do for you, be the means by which, you fabricate a synthetic desire, in order to fulfill a furthur desire, upon your own heart. Lamens. Dont do anything, unless its what God wants you to do. I didnt submit myself to something i hated, because God wanted me to do it. I sat there totally out of myself, because i thought its what i had to do. And its not. It wasnt even what God wanted me to do. And if it were, i didnt even do it for that reason. I did it to satisfy myself. And in turn, didnt even do that. I did it because its what i thought(relying on my own knowledge, instead of Gods) and felt i should do(i "should" do nothing but what God wants me) Basically, i lied and wasted my grandmothers time, and mine as well. I gave her the impression that i actually cared about what she had to say. Furthur more, if she did find comfort in it, she found comfort in a deception. And thats no way to treat anyone.

Its such a shame. Because if someone is willing to be honest, they are shunned upon. Like, if i say, "i really didnt care what my grandmother " And people will say, "oh thats mean." But its only mean in the extent that i listened to her. And didnt interject and say, excuse me, grams. I dont care. Its difficult thing the human heart. And deceitful. Thats why its crucial to compare your intents and desires with the word of God. Otherwise your left to your "own morality" which is nothing. Its your heart decieving you into thinking, that by obeying it, you are fulfilling some grand moral law. When in reality, you are pretending to find interest in something, to satisfy yourself. It is much better, to deny something you are not interested in, and find something that truly satisfys you, in order to satisfy yourself. Instead of decieving yourself and others.